11.04.2010

Clarification for a few readers......

Good morning! I knew that I would have some readers shake their head in disapproval regarding my last "reality" post. But never ever did I think that some would perceive it as a "cry for help". Please know that the post was supposed to be taken in a light hearted manner, although I meant every word of it. Someone suggested I take the post down, which would be missing the whole point of the post! Motherhood is hard! Our society shames mothers who speak openly about this very issue because we are molded into believing that if we speak about how hard it is, we are less than perfect mothers and women! What a disservice to all of us hardworking mothers! Venting and having an open dialouge about this topic is a very healthy way for new mothers to let out frustration or gain answers on issues or problems they are having. So please don't feel negativly towards me because I am stating my feelings. This is my blog where I can do just that! Several of my friends have spoken out on how refreshing it was to know they weren't the only ones feeling this way. So no, I will not take down the post. For anyone who may have misconstrued my words, please put your mind at rest.
Sorry for the rest of you who got the real purpose of the message. Such seriousness at 8 a.m. is not a fun blogpost to read in the morning! Now go to someone else on your blogroll and read a much lighter fluffier post! Happy Thursday to you all!
Coming from a mental health background, I feel I need to add that for any mothers who might be going through postpartum depression, please seek help from a mental health professional. It is reported that 15% of new mothers go through postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. Researchers believe the number is much higher but women simply refuse or are too ashamed to ask for help. Also, women are not the only ones that go through depression during this stage in their lives. The medical field is also seeing a number of new fathers going through PPD. Be an advocate for yourself and your child and let someone know you need help.

8 comments:

Jane said...

Bravo Melissa.....I was so proud of you for being honest on your post.it saddens me to think that some people are so narrow-minded about the subject of parenthood. It is the hardest job you will ever do. And it is not always sunshine and unicorns. You are doing a "FABULOUS" job with Lauren. Don't let anyone throw immature, negative opinions into your world right now. That is the LAST thing you need. Your honesty is a breath of fresh air. Love you

Tricia said...

Melissa, I've been a lurker for a long time. I'm a friend of Beth and also followed you during Evan deMello's hospitalizations.

I'm coming out of lurkdom to tell you that there was absolutely nothing wrong with your previous post. I felt the exact same way as you. I had the pregnancy from hell (23 weeks of bed rest), had a c-section and gave birth to a newborn with severe acid reflux. No exaggeration, my child screamed 8 to 12 hours everyday. He was in constant pain from the reflux. It was horrible. Being a new mother just isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's hard and it is a huge life adjustment. It doesn't mean that we love our children any less.

I think there are more people who feel like we do than not. It's okay to say that we are tired or that if this child vomits one more time today we will pull our hair out. :) It's real life.

Then you have those who are struggling to conceive and who would "give anything" to be sleep-deprived, etc. trying to guilt you. Don't let them. Your reality isn't any less stressful than theirs. Just because you are exhausted or frustrated doesn't mean you are any less grateful for the gift that you have been given.

These are the truths of your own personal experiences. I think others need to take a long, hard look deep inside themselves and realize it's okay to live without perfection.

Motherhood is hard and that's a-okay!

Congratulations on your new baby girl! She's beautiful!!

~Tricia

Estephania said...

Girl, I'm glad you're keeping it real. If you're not going to be real, what's the point of having a blog at all. I appreciate your honesty and your thoughts. There is nothing wrong with anything that you wrote on your last post. I did not enjoy being pregnant, and whenever I said that to people, I always got the guilt trip... but that didn't change the way I felt. Anyway, I am glad I can turn to you for questions, etc., and that you will give me a real answer. Thanks!

The Parrish Family said...

You know I only have positive words here!!This is YOUR blog, which means you're allowed to say whatever YOU want. I think you gave a very real and honest desciption of life as a new mother (with a little added comic relief as well) and NO ONE should make you feel guilty for that!

If someone disagees with your post they A) have never had a newborn or B) live on a utopian planet somewhere. There is no way around the fact that motherhood is hard and I would venure to say a majority of mothers feel just as you do, however, unfortunately, some are too afraid to air their true feelings! As you said, motherhood is not always sunshine and unicorns and anyone who believes that is lying to themselves.


I applaud your honesty!!!! Don't ever let someone make you feel guilty....EVER!

Love you!!!

The Kresl Family said...

Oh lady-

I did not see anything wrong with you last post. I found it very refreshing! While I love being a mom, it is hard as hell! It can be frustrating, lonely, and exhausting. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I suffered fairly serious PPD after my last baby. It is never really talked about and there is still a stigma associated with it. I did not feel like less of a mother because if it, and actually felt like a better mother once I admitted I needed help to begin to heal from it.

The first few months can seem like a haze of dirty diapers, smelling like sour milk, and no sleep. I can promise you after going through it 3 times (and soon to be a fourth)-- life will return to a new normal. It won't be the magical fairyland that you may have pictured it would be, but it will still be wonderful.

Congratulations on being a wonderful mom!

Beth said...

OMG. It saddens me that you even had to post a clarification to that post. enough said...Love you and loved the post!

Casey said...

Melissa, I loved the post and felt it rang true to most mom experiences! I am the first to admit that pregnancy sucked and motherhood is no walk in the park, but people take that as if I don't find it rewarding or worth it, which is absolutely incorrect. Honey, you can use my knee anytime to get up on your soap box!! Mothers unite!! ;-) Casey Dunning

Mackenzie Jean said...

I actually just read an article in one my parenting magazines that talked about just this. That parenting is super tough but that women don't talk about it that way, that if they were to reveal how it really is they would seem like less of a woman, so this was right on track with what millions of moms are feeling everyday. :)
I was just going through some of your pregnancy and new baby Lauren posts to ready myself for baby Owen. :)